Are You Still Attracted to Your Spouse?
A big myth about relationships that is dispelled in the Song of Solomon is that attraction is only a consideration for singles. The attraction that Solomon writes about is based on character first when he says, "Your name is like purified oil" (Song 1:3). This quality of attraction lasts long after age and gravity set in. A great physique, a great smile, and/or a great bank account can all be attractive, but it's what's inside that really matters. So, let me ask you a very direct question (but don't answer out loud). Are you still attracted to your mate?

Physical attraction is that initial spark that often draws people together. Thus, it is often primary in your mind when you are single. Some of your mate's attributes attracted you immediately while others continue to attract (or fight against you) as you grow in your relationship. Sin is never pretty in the light of day. So if your character (or the character of your spouse) shows your ugly side more than your good side, then your attractiveness to your spouse may have diminished

Just recently, after a fun day with my wife and kids (ages 11, 8 and 5), we had just picked up dinner when I was pulled over a half mile from home for speeding (doing 41 in a 30). I know it was wrong, but it did feel a little unfair (in the grand scheme of things kind of way). The policeman comes up and asks for my stuff (you know the drill). Of course I had forgotten to put my new insurance card in the glove box and my state inspection was a couple of months out of date (which he duly noted).

So then it happened. In my mad and full of self-pity kind of way, I got rude. Not the "arrest me" kind of rude but the "I can't believe you are writing me all these tickets" kind of rude. He finishes and we drive off. Of course my 5-year-old puts in all into perspective when he says, "Daddy, I'm glad you didn’t go to jail". I was too.

But once we were home, my wife, in her kind but straightforward way, set me straight. I was breaking the speed limit and he was doing his job and my behavior was embarrassing to her and a bad example to the kids. My looks hadn't changed and my bank account was down by only a couple of hundred bucks from the ticket, but my character had become very unattractive to my wife. So my challenge to you (and to myself) is to work on having attractive character that is equated to "purified oil" to your spouse.